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Toy Box Comix

By Alan Young

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Tag: James T. Kirk

Inspired By That Fox News Thing From Last Week

Content warning: this comic contains depictions of racism, misogyny, transphobia, and gun violence as satire. Panel 1: Location: TOS Enterprise bridge. Kirk: “You know you don’t deserve to be here.” Uhura: “I know, Captain. My skin color and vagina make me biologically suited only to cooking, cleaning, and giving birth.” Kirk: “You’re here to fulfill a quota.” Uhura: “I’m grateful for your tolerance, Captain.” Panel 2: Location: Sickbay. An Astro Zombie sits on the biobed. McCoy: “I could cure him, Jim, but he doesn’t have health insurance.” Kirk: “Too bad. Send him home to start a GoFundMe or die or whatever.” McCoy: “He also keeps insisting that he’s a female in violation of the Federation’s gender conformity law.” Kirk: “Obviously he’s trying to trick me into having sex with him in order to turn me gay.” Panel 3: Location: Vasquez Rocks. Kirk, firing an automatic weapon: “Eat hot lead, alien freak!” Gorn captain: “Curses! I’ve been defeated by your second amendment!” Kirk: “My thoughts and prayers go out to your loved ones at this difficult time.” Panel 4: Location: bridge. Spock, holding an IDIC necklace: “Are you familiar with the Vulcan philosophy of IDIC, Captain?” Kirk: “Idic? What’s that?” Spock: “I.D.I.C. Infinite Diversity is Crap.” Kirk: “You people do have some redeeming qualities, Mr. Spock.” Panel 5: TOS title screen style text on a star field: “Conservative Star Trek, created by people who don’t understand Star Trek.”
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Published January 11, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Astro Zombie, Gorn, James T. Kirk, Leonard McCoy, Spock, Star Trek, Uhura

Rule 34

First panel: Khan Noonien Singh: “You will give me the secret of Genesis. For if you do not, I shall unleash upon the universe…” Second panel: Khan: “My Kirk/Spock slashfic. In which the two of you have a romantic and sexual relationship. Your couple name is Spirk. Or, more salaciously, Kock. You will know humiliation the likes of which you could never dream. Third panel: Spock: “I am a Vulcan. I am incapable of humiliation.” Kirk: “You can’t humiliate me. I’m James T. Kirk.” Fourth panel: Kirk: “I have survived all manner of ordeals that the universe has thrown at me for years. I’ve been split in half. I’ve been turned into a woman. I’ve been covered in tribbles. I’ve been replaced with a robot. I’ve been kidnapped, tortured, and framed for murder. And I always come out on top. I thrive on humiliation, Khan.” Fifth panel: Kirk: “I have an OnlyFans page where I show off photos of my nude body in bizarre and embarrassing situations. I don’t need the money. I just like it when people stare at my butthole.” Spock: “It is an unremarkable specimen.”
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Published May 11, 2023
Categorized as Comics Tagged James T. Kirk, Khan Noonien Singh, Spock, Star Trek

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