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By Alan Young

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Dark and Wordy

Content warning: Infanticide (whimsical) Location: Autobot base Panel 1: Whirl: “Hey, Lifeline. What do you think about killing baby Hitler?” Lifeline: “Oh, wow. That’s a complicated moral question, Whirl. Of course, murdering a baby is itself a heinous act. But what if you know the baby is destined to be evil? Does saving millions of lives justify ending one innocent life? There are endless repercussions to consider. No Hitler means no World War II, which means no baby boom. Countless lives would never exist. And it changed the face of geopolitics. The Earth would be very different. It’s a fascinating hypothetical with no clear answer.” Whirl: “It’s not hypothetical.” Lifeline: “Huh?” 2: Whirl: “Jigabutt here took me back in time to 1889.” Gigawatt: “He held a gun to my head.” Whirl: “Please. I held several guns to your head. And I squished that baby führer’s skull like a cherry tomato. Straight out of the womb. You should have seen the look on momma Hitler’s face.” Gigawatt: “Have you ever seen a human birth? It’s…gooey.” Lifeline: “That’s a joke, right? I know who Hitler is. If you had erased him from history, I wouldn’t know who he is.” 3: Gigawatt: “Time travel is infinitely complex. The results of a change in the past can manifest in different ways. In this case, killing such a historically significant figure created an alternate timeline. Our timeline remains unchanged. So we travelled forward to 2025 in the altered timeline. And you know what? It was better. Better than this. Sure, they have a lot of different problems. But overall? Less war. Less senseless killing. We only stayed for a few hours, but I think I’d rather live there. Even the Cybertronian war is somehow less intense. I brought some history books back through the space bridge so I can study the altered history.” 4: Whirl: “You hear that? Infanticide has no down side! Hey, that’s poetical.” Gigawatt: “Eh. You rhymed cide with side.” Lifeline: “I don’t think…I mean…just because this one… …” 5: Whirl: “C’mon, Jig. Let’s go find some more babies to murder.” Lifeline: “Just…Only historical monster babies, please!” Whirl: “Sure. Like Pol Pot. Or J.J. Abrams.” Gigawatt: “You don’t get the rank of captain right out of Starfleet Academy, J.J.”
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Published May 21, 2025
Categorized as Comics Tagged Gigawatt, Lifeline, Transformers, Whirl

I’m the Odo Here

Location: Quark’s Bar Panel 1: DS9-style title: “Macrocephaly.” Odo: “What are those?” 2: Quark, with two Deadpool Pops. “They’re called Funko POP!s.” 3: Odo: “There’s no need to yell.” Quark: “The exclamation point is part of the name.” Odo: “A little humanoid doll with a giant head and a tiny body?” Quark: “I just got in a shipment from Earth.” 4: Quark: “They’re insanely popular. They’ve been one of Earth’s top exports for centuries. There are thousands of different varieties but they all look almost identical. Apparently that’s the whole appeal. I don’t get it but the profit margin is huge.” Odo: “Who could have such terrible taste that they’d buy one of these hideous things?” 5: Bashir: “Is that Deadpool having sex with a little unicorn?” Quark: “That’s right.” Bashir: “That’s hilarious! I’ll take it. Put it on my tab.” Quark: “It’s a pleasure doing business, Doctor.” Bashir: “I only have two of these dolls now, but I like them so much I want thirty!” 6: Worf: “Deadpool was a great warrior. This statue of him in a bath robe will have a place of honor on my knick-knack shelf.” Quark: “You were saying, Odo?” Odo: “Predictable.”
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Published May 14, 2025
Categorized as Comics Tagged Deadpool, Julian Bashir, Marvel, Morn, Odo, Quark, Star Trek, Worf

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