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By Alan Young

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Tag: Golden Girls

Bioengineering

Location: Cantina Panel 1: In the background, Mainframe (G.I. Joe) is holding a phone and tapping on a laptop. Pythona: “Electronic technology! How I abhor it!” 2: Dorothy Zbornak: “Cobra-La doesn’t have much technology, does it, Pythona?” 3: Pythona: “Oh, we have technology that’s functionally similar to yours. But instead of machines and electronics, we engineer with biology, as nature intended. For instance…” 4: Pythona: “Our world wide web is built by spiders. Our e-mail is delivered by elephants. Our iPhones are iguana phones. Our IP addresses are Indian pangolin addresses. Our VR is vampire bat reality. Our VPNSs are velociraptor-penguin networks. Our 2FA is two-fish authentication. Phishing is fishing.” 5: In the background, Mainframe looks on. Pythona: “Our SaaS is sting bug as a service. Our AI is ant intelligence. Our cloud computing is built by clouded plant bugs. Some insects are surprisingly good at math.” 6: Mainframe: “You know, we have technology made out of bugs, too. It’s called Microsoft Windows.”
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Published June 5, 2026
Categorized as Comics Tagged Dorothy Zbornak, G.I. Joe, Golden Girls, Mainframe, Pythona

New Dorothy, Who Dis?

Location: Cantina Panel 1: Quintesson: “Your face is disgusting and your clothing is inappropriate for this location.” Cobra Commander, reptile form with a torn outfit: “Geez, I just had a little wardrobe malfunction.” 2: Quintesson, speaking to Buzz Lightyear (Chris Evans): “You are an undesirable retcon. The true Buzz Lightyear is an original action figure character, not based on a film.” 3: Two Quints speaking to Jabba the Hutt, who is holding his vape/bong thing. Quint 1: “Your obesity is both unhealthy and unattractive.” Quint 2: “Vaping does not make you look cool.” 4: Quint, speaking to a Jurassic Park velociraptor holding a beer: “You are too large and you should have feathers.” 5: Quint, speaking to Skeletor: “Please cover your face. Your exposed skull is disturbing. And don’t even get me started on your whole Jared Leto situation.” 6: Quints speaking to Bert and Ernie. Quint 1: “You two are queerbaiting.” Quint 2: “Please just make out already.” Ernie: “Make out? What’s out?” Bert: “You know. The opposite of in.” 7: Blanche Devereaux: “Are you going to introduce me to your egg-shaped friends, Dorothy? Some of their faces are unconventionally handsome.” Dorothy Zbornak: “You don’t want to get involved with the Quintessons, Blanche. They’re judgmental about everything.” Quint 1: “You are too old for us.” Quint 2: “And you have upon you the stench of too many previous lovers.” Quint 1: “Some of them human.”
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Published April 16, 2026
Categorized as Comics Tagged Bert, Blanche Devereaux, Buzz Lightyear, Cobra Commander, Dorothy Zbornak, Ernie, G.I. Joe, Golden Girls, Jabba the Hutt, Jurassic Park, Masters of the Universe, Quintesson, Sesame Street, Skeletor, Star Wars, Toy Story, Transformers

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