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Toy Box Comix

By Alan Young

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Tag: Bert

New Dorothy, Who Dis?

Location: Cantina Panel 1: Quintesson: “Your face is disgusting and your clothing is inappropriate for this location.” Cobra Commander, reptile form with a torn outfit: “Geez, I just had a little wardrobe malfunction.” 2: Quintesson, speaking to Buzz Lightyear (Chris Evans): “You are an undesirable retcon. The true Buzz Lightyear is an original action figure character, not based on a film.” 3: Two Quints speaking to Jabba the Hutt, who is holding his vape/bong thing. Quint 1: “Your obesity is both unhealthy and unattractive.” Quint 2: “Vaping does not make you look cool.” 4: Quint, speaking to a Jurassic Park velociraptor holding a beer: “You are too large and you should have feathers.” 5: Quint, speaking to Skeletor: “Please cover your face. Your exposed skull is disturbing. And don’t even get me started on your whole Jared Leto situation.” 6: Quints speaking to Bert and Ernie. Quint 1: “You two are queerbaiting.” Quint 2: “Please just make out already.” Ernie: “Make out? What’s out?” Bert: “You know. The opposite of in.” 7: Blanche Devereaux: “Are you going to introduce me to your egg-shaped friends, Dorothy? Some of their faces are unconventionally handsome.” Dorothy Zbornak: “You don’t want to get involved with the Quintessons, Blanche. They’re judgmental about everything.” Quint 1: “You are too old for us.” Quint 2: “And you have upon you the stench of too many previous lovers.” Quint 1: “Some of them human.”
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Published April 16, 2026
Categorized as Comics Tagged Bert, Blanche Devereaux, Buzz Lightyear, Cobra Commander, Dorothy Zbornak, Ernie, G.I. Joe, Golden Girls, Jabba the Hutt, Jurassic Park, Masters of the Universe, Quintesson, Sesame Street, Skeletor, Star Wars, Toy Story, Transformers

Directions

Location: city at night Panel 1: Batman (Ben Affleck): “Tell me what I need to know!” From below panel: “Please…please don’t! What do you want!?” 2: Batman, standing on a rooftop, holding the end of a rope leading down over the edge of the building: “TELL ME!” Below panel: “Tell you what!? Please…I don’t want to die!” Batman: “Tell me how to get…” 3: Batman (above panel): “How to get to Sesame Street!” Bert, hanging upside-down in front of the building with a bat-rope around his foot: “It—it’s two blocks that way!” Batman: “Thank you.” Bert: “You could’ve just asked nicely.” Batman: “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT!”
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Published September 6, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Batman, Bert, DC, Sesame Street

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