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By Alan Young

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Tag: Lifeline

Dark and Wordy

Content warning: Infanticide (whimsical) Location: Autobot base Panel 1: Whirl: “Hey, Lifeline. What do you think about killing baby Hitler?” Lifeline: “Oh, wow. That’s a complicated moral question, Whirl. Of course, murdering a baby is itself a heinous act. But what if you know the baby is destined to be evil? Does saving millions of lives justify ending one innocent life? There are endless repercussions to consider. No Hitler means no World War II, which means no baby boom. Countless lives would never exist. And it changed the face of geopolitics. The Earth would be very different. It’s a fascinating hypothetical with no clear answer.” Whirl: “It’s not hypothetical.” Lifeline: “Huh?” 2: Whirl: “Jigabutt here took me back in time to 1889.” Gigawatt: “He held a gun to my head.” Whirl: “Please. I held several guns to your head. And I squished that baby führer’s skull like a cherry tomato. Straight out of the womb. You should have seen the look on momma Hitler’s face.” Gigawatt: “Have you ever seen a human birth? It’s…gooey.” Lifeline: “That’s a joke, right? I know who Hitler is. If you had erased him from history, I wouldn’t know who he is.” 3: Gigawatt: “Time travel is infinitely complex. The results of a change in the past can manifest in different ways. In this case, killing such a historically significant figure created an alternate timeline. Our timeline remains unchanged. So we travelled forward to 2025 in the altered timeline. And you know what? It was better. Better than this. Sure, they have a lot of different problems. But overall? Less war. Less senseless killing. We only stayed for a few hours, but I think I’d rather live there. Even the Cybertronian war is somehow less intense. I brought some history books back through the space bridge so I can study the altered history.” 4: Whirl: “You hear that? Infanticide has no down side! Hey, that’s poetical.” Gigawatt: “Eh. You rhymed cide with side.” Lifeline: “I don’t think…I mean…just because this one… …” 5: Whirl: “C’mon, Jig. Let’s go find some more babies to murder.” Lifeline: “Just…Only historical monster babies, please!” Whirl: “Sure. Like Pol Pot. Or J.J. Abrams.” Gigawatt: “You don’t get the rank of captain right out of Starfleet Academy, J.J.”
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Published May 21, 2025
Categorized as Comics Tagged Gigawatt, Lifeline, Transformers, Whirl

Smash

First panel: an icosahedron-shaped Allspark floating in space. Caption: “In the beginning, there was the Allspark.” Second panel: a second icosahedron Allspark joins the first. Caption: “Then a second Allspark showed up. They got frisky and started shooting out sparks together.” Third panel: an Allspark cube joins. Caption: “Then a cube-shaped Allspark showed up and made it a hot and heavy threesome.” Fourth panel: the Matrix of Leadership and Big Convoy’s matrix appear. Caption: “Then some matrices got involved and sparks were spurting out all over the universe.” Fifth panel: the Key to Vector Sigma joins. Caption: “Then there’s this key. When you shove it in Vector Sigma’s hole, he starts blowing loads and loads of sparks.” Sixth panel: two cyber keys join. Caption 1: “And there are cyber keys. I don’t remember what their whole deal is, but they look pretty sparky to me.” Caption 2: “Whirl!” Seventh panel: Lifeline, Whirl, and Mini-Cons Oval, Backtrack, and Spiral in the Autobot base. Lifeline: “What are you telling these Mini-Cons?” Whirl: “I’m just teaching them where baby sparks come from.” Eighth panel: Lifeline, walking away: “You’re doing a great job! Our biology is nonsense.” Whirl, holding two objects: “Now I’m gonna demonstrate safe budding with the Forge of Solus Prime and a banana.”
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Published October 12, 2023
Categorized as Comics Tagged Backtrack, Lifeline, Oval, Spiral, Transformers, Whirl

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