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By Alan Young

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Tag: Whirl

Dark and Wordy

Content warning: Infanticide (whimsical) Location: Autobot base Panel 1: Whirl: “Hey, Lifeline. What do you think about killing baby Hitler?” Lifeline: “Oh, wow. That’s a complicated moral question, Whirl. Of course, murdering a baby is itself a heinous act. But what if you know the baby is destined to be evil? Does saving millions of lives justify ending one innocent life? There are endless repercussions to consider. No Hitler means no World War II, which means no baby boom. Countless lives would never exist. And it changed the face of geopolitics. The Earth would be very different. It’s a fascinating hypothetical with no clear answer.” Whirl: “It’s not hypothetical.” Lifeline: “Huh?” 2: Whirl: “Jigabutt here took me back in time to 1889.” Gigawatt: “He held a gun to my head.” Whirl: “Please. I held several guns to your head. And I squished that baby führer’s skull like a cherry tomato. Straight out of the womb. You should have seen the look on momma Hitler’s face.” Gigawatt: “Have you ever seen a human birth? It’s…gooey.” Lifeline: “That’s a joke, right? I know who Hitler is. If you had erased him from history, I wouldn’t know who he is.” 3: Gigawatt: “Time travel is infinitely complex. The results of a change in the past can manifest in different ways. In this case, killing such a historically significant figure created an alternate timeline. Our timeline remains unchanged. So we travelled forward to 2025 in the altered timeline. And you know what? It was better. Better than this. Sure, they have a lot of different problems. But overall? Less war. Less senseless killing. We only stayed for a few hours, but I think I’d rather live there. Even the Cybertronian war is somehow less intense. I brought some history books back through the space bridge so I can study the altered history.” 4: Whirl: “You hear that? Infanticide has no down side! Hey, that’s poetical.” Gigawatt: “Eh. You rhymed cide with side.” Lifeline: “I don’t think…I mean…just because this one… …” 5: Whirl: “C’mon, Jig. Let’s go find some more babies to murder.” Lifeline: “Just…Only historical monster babies, please!” Whirl: “Sure. Like Pol Pot. Or J.J. Abrams.” Gigawatt: “You don’t get the rank of captain right out of Starfleet Academy, J.J.”
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Published May 21, 2025
Categorized as Comics Tagged Gigawatt, Lifeline, Transformers, Whirl

OPSEC

Location: Decepticon base Panel 1: Soundwave: “Megatron, the Autobots are mounting an offensive. E.T.A. two hours.” Megatron: “And we will be ready for them! The upgrades we made to our early warning system are paying off.” Soundwave: “Not exactly.” 2: Soundwave looks at a phone: “The Autobots inadvertently added me to their group text.” Text thread begins. Hot Shot: “Why do we have to text? Why can’t we just talk?” Prowl: “OPSEC” Hot Shot: “Optimus Prime’s secretary? You mean Elita?” Elita-1: “Hey, that’s sexist!” 3: Soundwave looks at his phone as the text thread continues. Prowl: “Operational security, doofus.” Elita: “Speaking of sexist…why am I the only woman on this mission?” Optimus Prime: “I chose the team for their skills, not their gender.” Elita: “Obviously. We’re gonna talk later.” Optimus: “I look forward to yet another conversation about gender issues.” Elita: “Then we’re gonna talk, if you know what I mean.” Eggplant, taco emoji. Hot Shot: “Ew. Human food is so gross.” 4: Soundwave looks at his phone as the text thread continues. Hot Shot: “Hey, I’m gonna scout ahead.” Optimus: “Negative, Hot Shot. Remain in formation.” Hot Shot: “Ow! Crap! I crashed into a boulder.” Prowl: “What where you’re going!” Hot Shot: “I can’t. I’m busy texting.” 5: Soundwave: “I think we can stand down our defenses for now, Megatron.” Text thread continues. Whirl: “Hey, I blew up a building!” Prowl: fist bump, Autobot symbol, fire emoji. Optimus: “A Decepticon building?” Whirl: “You’re gonna need a sieve and a forensics team to prove otherwise.”
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Published April 2, 2025
Categorized as Comics Tagged Elita-1, Hot Shot, Megatron, Optimus Prime, Prowl, Soundwave, Transformers, Whirl

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