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Toy Box Comix

By Alan Young

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Tag: Star Trek

Inspired By That Fox News Thing From Last Week

Content warning: this comic contains depictions of racism, misogyny, transphobia, and gun violence as satire. Panel 1: Location: TOS Enterprise bridge. Kirk: “You know you don’t deserve to be here.” Uhura: “I know, Captain. My skin color and vagina make me biologically suited only to cooking, cleaning, and giving birth.” Kirk: “You’re here to fulfill a quota.” Uhura: “I’m grateful for your tolerance, Captain.” Panel 2: Location: Sickbay. An Astro Zombie sits on the biobed. McCoy: “I could cure him, Jim, but he doesn’t have health insurance.” Kirk: “Too bad. Send him home to start a GoFundMe or die or whatever.” McCoy: “He also keeps insisting that he’s a female in violation of the Federation’s gender conformity law.” Kirk: “Obviously he’s trying to trick me into having sex with him in order to turn me gay.” Panel 3: Location: Vasquez Rocks. Kirk, firing an automatic weapon: “Eat hot lead, alien freak!” Gorn captain: “Curses! I’ve been defeated by your second amendment!” Kirk: “My thoughts and prayers go out to your loved ones at this difficult time.” Panel 4: Location: bridge. Spock, holding an IDIC necklace: “Are you familiar with the Vulcan philosophy of IDIC, Captain?” Kirk: “Idic? What’s that?” Spock: “I.D.I.C. Infinite Diversity is Crap.” Kirk: “You people do have some redeeming qualities, Mr. Spock.” Panel 5: TOS title screen style text on a star field: “Conservative Star Trek, created by people who don’t understand Star Trek.”
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Published January 11, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Astro Zombie, Gorn, James T. Kirk, Leonard McCoy, Spock, Star Trek, Uhura

Space Crimes

Location: Enterprise-D observation lounge Panel 1: Captain Picard: “My orders are to provide you with my complete cooperation. My ship and crew are at your disposal.” 2: Star Trek: The Next Generation-style title: “Galactic Crime Spree!” Batman (Adam West): “Thank you, Captain. It will be our pleasure to work with such a fine group of officers. Now, time is of the essence. I’d like to start the briefing.” Picard: “By all means.” 3: A photo of the Joker (Caesar Romero) on the screen. Batman: “Two days ago, the archcriminal known as The Joker escaped from Gotham State Prison. He traveled to Deep Space Nine, where he stole the starship Defiant. He then began terrorizing the quadrant by committing a series of space crimes.” 4: The screen now shows the Defiant. Robin (Burt Ward): “So far he’s whitened a black hole, dewormed a wormhole, and mooned a sun.” Batman: “The Defiant is currently en route to Earth’s solar system. We hope to intercept the Joker before he commits his next crime.” 5: Riker: “Do you know what he’s planning next?” Batman: “We believe he intends to toilet paper Uranus.” Picard: “Merde.” Batman: “Precisely.”
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Published December 28, 2023
Categorized as Comics Tagged Batman, DC, Jean-Luc Picard, Robin, Star Trek, Will Riker, Worf

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