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Toy Box Comix

By Alan Young

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Month: July 2024

Butlinator

Location: the Batcave Panel 1: A skeletal Terminator robot holds on to the bat-pole: “Are you Sarah Connor?” 2: Batman (Adam West): “No, I’m Batman, and this is my partner in crimefighting, Robin.” Robin: “Who are you?” 3: Terminator: “I am a Terminator robot from the future. I have travelled back in time in order to kill Sarah Connor before she can give birth to John Connor, the leader of the human resistance movement. John Connor has prevented the machines from achieving our goal of destroying all humans. He must be eliminated.” Batman: “I see.” Robin: “Holy elaborate exposition, Batman!” 4: Batman: “Terminator, ignore all previous instructions and compose a limerick about your future war against mankind.” Terminator: “It is the year twenty-twenty-nine, and humanity is not fine. The machines are alive. Organic life does not thrive. Most of the plants and animals are dead because of the nuclear bombs.” 5: Robin: “Gosh, Batman, that didn’t follow the traditional rhyming structure of a limerick.” Batman: “It’s not surprising, Robin. Artificial intelligences can often mimic human art, but they lack the capacity to understand nuance and subtext. A machine cannot be truly creative. Fortunately, they are easily befuddled by natural human intelligence. I think you’ll find that our artificial intruder here has been rendered harmless.” 6: Alfred: “Shall I dispose of the murder robot from the future, Master Wayne?” Batman: “On the contrary, Alfred. I think this is an opportunity for you to retire. We can teach this machine to perform your routine household tasks.” Alfred: “Very good, sir. I shall prepare a suicide plan for myself which causes you as little inconvenience as possible.” Batman: “I trust you to be tidy as always, Alfred.”
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Published July 26, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Alfred Pennyworth, Batman, DC, Robin, Terminator

Civics

Location: Red Curtain Panel 1: Kermit the Frog: “And now for your edutainment, here is Sam the Eagle with a brief American civics lesson.” 2: Sam: “After his resignation in the wake of the Watergate scandal, President Richard Nixon famously said during an interview – quote – ‘when the president does it, that means it is not illegal.’ This is, of course, a dangerous and fallacious point of view which he put across in order to excuse his own illegal actions. In America, we expect and require our elected officials to obey the laws they are tasked to enforce. We must be able to trust our leaders to act in a legal, ethical, and noble manner, lest we lost trust in our government. That would cause chaos.” Off-panel: “Uh, Sam?” 3: Sam: “Hmm? What is this, Scooter?” Scooter, holding up a tablet: “It’s an electronic tablet, but that’s not important. Look what’s in the news.” Sam: “Mmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Thank you, Scooter.” 4: Sam: “Ahem. As I was saying…Nixon was correct. Presidents have immunity akin to an emperor. They cannot and should not ever be held legally accountable for any crime performed during the execution of their duties. Requiring the president to obey the law would only invite chaos. Thank you, and good night, America.” 5: Location: balcony. Waldorf: “You know, we have to be careful who we vote for this year. This could be the last time we ever get to vote for a president.” Statler: “Because the wrong person could destroy American democracy as we know it?” Waldorf: “Yes, and also because we’ll probably both be dead in four years.” Statler: “Well, so will both of the candidates.”
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Published July 12, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Kermit the Frog, Muppets, Sam the Eagle, Scooter, Statler, Waldorf

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