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Toy Box Comix

By Alan Young

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Tag: Transformers

New Universe, Who Dis?

Panel 1: Sixshot: “Hi, I’m—” Dramatic font: “Sixshot, Ninja Consultant” 2: Sixshot: “But today, think of me as—” Dramatic font: “Sixshot, Love Consultant” 3: A YouTube video plays, titled “Ninja Consultant REVOLUTIONIZES Dating!!!” Text in the video: “Paid Spokesbot.” Sixshot, in the video: “Are you having trouble finding love? Do you feel like you’ve searched the whole universe for a connection and come up empty? Good news! There are an infinite number of universes out there! Let me tell you about Space Bridge, the Multiversal dating app. It’s free to download in the app store. (In-app purchases are required to connect with other users.) 4: Video continues. Sixshot is now surrounded by the bio cards of G2 Skram, MP Kaen, G1 Omega Supreme, and BM Tank Drone. Text in video: “Real User Profiles!” Sixshot, in video: “Space Bridge has millions of satisfied users in thousands of universes, with more joining every day! Your next romance could be COMING through the space bridge right now! But you don’t have to take my word for it. Here’s a happy customer.” 5: Video continues. Text in video: “Compensated Testimonial.” Fuzor Silverbolt: “When the love of my life left me, I was distraught. I thought I was doomed to be alone forever. But thanks to Space Bridge, I hooked up with her counterpart from another universe! IT’S NOT CREEPY! It’s going great! She’s coming to my place for the first time this weekend.” 6: Location: a graffiti-covered alley with a dumpster. Caption: “Later…” Silverbolt: “It’s not much, but it’s temporary. I’m sort of between money at the moment. It turns out that compensation from Space Bridge comes in the form of app credits.” Blackarachnia (card art colors): “You live in a dumpster?” Silverbolt: “Of course not! I live next to a dumpster. I can’t afford dumpster rent.” Blackarachnia: “Hang on to those Space Bridge credits, buddy.”
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Published May 3, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Blackarachnia, Silverbolt, Sixshot, Transformers

Nobody Likes These But I Keep Going

Panel 1: Maximal Skywarp holds an American flag. Dramatic title text: “The Holy American Bible Part 2” 2: Skywarp, reading in front of a cross: “Thou shalt not kill…except animals and plants. Thou canst kill those. Thou shalt not kill an embryo after an arbitrary period of growth as dictated by thine state government.” 3: Skywarp, reading in front of an American flag: “Thou canst kill people in war or in government-sanctioned military actions. Thou canst kill in self-defense…or if thou canst drag the body around to make it look like thou were acting in self-defense. And thou canst run over protestors who art blocking traffic if thou doth not agree with their cause. Exodus 20:13”
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Published April 26, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Skywarp, Transformers

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