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Toy Box Comix

Toy Box Comix

By Alan Young

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Tag: Transformers

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Panel 1: Caption: “Long ago…” Elita-1 (Cybertronian): “I’m coming with you aboard the Ark, Optimus.” 2: Optimus Prime (Cybertronian): “No, Elita. It’s too dangerous.” 3: Elita: “What? Come on, man. I’m just as capable as any of your other warriors.” Optimus: “Someone has been telling you diabolical lies. Your gender makes was decided by Primus himself. Your delicate fee-male body makes you far more suited to homemaking and raising children than fighting a war. Battle is for males and I am unapologetic in my masculinity. Now stay here and have my dinner ready when I get home.” 4: Caption: “Now: Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane profiles Optimus Prime…” Lois: “Is that how you remember it, Optimus?” Optimus: “She’s exaggerating.” Elita: “A little. But he did make a conscious decision to leave me and the other female Autobots on Cybertron while he brought only male warriors with him on the ark.” Optimus: “That was a long time ago. I thought I was being chivalrous. I've learned a few things since I’ve been around humans for 40 years.” 5: Lois: “Like what?” Optimus: “Gender roles are largely a product of culture rather than biology. What we think of as chivalry or traditional values can often be considered sexist or condescending. Just because something is traditional doesn’t mean it’s good. We should always be willing to listen to others and reconsider traditions.” Lois: “You should never stop learning.” Optimus: “I try. In fact, I’ve been learning…” 6: Optimus: “…to play the trombone.” Optimus holds a trombone which goes HORNK! Elita, with her hands on her horns: “Stop learning! STOP LEARNING!” Lois: “I have no mouth, and I must raspberry.”
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Published June 7, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged DC, Elita-1, Lois Lane, Optimus Prime, Transformers

The Holiest Texts

Panel 1: Maximal Skywarp hugs an American flag. Dramatic text: “The Holy American Bible Part 3” 2: Skywarp, holding a book with American flags and a cross on the cover: “The second amendment of the holy United States Constitution was inspired by God and committed to paper by our infallible founding fathers. It states…” Scribbled-out text: “’A well-regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state,” non-scribbled-out text: “the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.’” 3: Skywarp, reading from the book: “’P.S. this applies to all firearms invented for the rest of time, no matter how powerful or deadly. We, the founding fathers, regret that we will all be dead by the time assault rifles are invented because they sound rad as hell. Future people should own lots of them.’ And then there’s a Punisher logo drawn underneath.”
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Published May 10, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Skywarp, Transformers

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