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Toy Box Comix

By Alan Young

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Tag: DC

Butlinator

Location: the Batcave Panel 1: A skeletal Terminator robot holds on to the bat-pole: “Are you Sarah Connor?” 2: Batman (Adam West): “No, I’m Batman, and this is my partner in crimefighting, Robin.” Robin: “Who are you?” 3: Terminator: “I am a Terminator robot from the future. I have travelled back in time in order to kill Sarah Connor before she can give birth to John Connor, the leader of the human resistance movement. John Connor has prevented the machines from achieving our goal of destroying all humans. He must be eliminated.” Batman: “I see.” Robin: “Holy elaborate exposition, Batman!” 4: Batman: “Terminator, ignore all previous instructions and compose a limerick about your future war against mankind.” Terminator: “It is the year twenty-twenty-nine, and humanity is not fine. The machines are alive. Organic life does not thrive. Most of the plants and animals are dead because of the nuclear bombs.” 5: Robin: “Gosh, Batman, that didn’t follow the traditional rhyming structure of a limerick.” Batman: “It’s not surprising, Robin. Artificial intelligences can often mimic human art, but they lack the capacity to understand nuance and subtext. A machine cannot be truly creative. Fortunately, they are easily befuddled by natural human intelligence. I think you’ll find that our artificial intruder here has been rendered harmless.” 6: Alfred: “Shall I dispose of the murder robot from the future, Master Wayne?” Batman: “On the contrary, Alfred. I think this is an opportunity for you to retire. We can teach this machine to perform your routine household tasks.” Alfred: “Very good, sir. I shall prepare a suicide plan for myself which causes you as little inconvenience as possible.” Batman: “I trust you to be tidy as always, Alfred.”
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Published July 26, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Alfred Pennyworth, Batman, DC, Robin, Terminator

Pbpbpbpb?

Panel 1: Caption: “Long ago…” Elita-1 (Cybertronian): “I’m coming with you aboard the Ark, Optimus.” 2: Optimus Prime (Cybertronian): “No, Elita. It’s too dangerous.” 3: Elita: “What? Come on, man. I’m just as capable as any of your other warriors.” Optimus: “Someone has been telling you diabolical lies. Your gender makes was decided by Primus himself. Your delicate fee-male body makes you far more suited to homemaking and raising children than fighting a war. Battle is for males and I am unapologetic in my masculinity. Now stay here and have my dinner ready when I get home.” 4: Caption: “Now: Daily Planet reporter Lois Lane profiles Optimus Prime…” Lois: “Is that how you remember it, Optimus?” Optimus: “She’s exaggerating.” Elita: “A little. But he did make a conscious decision to leave me and the other female Autobots on Cybertron while he brought only male warriors with him on the ark.” Optimus: “That was a long time ago. I thought I was being chivalrous. I've learned a few things since I’ve been around humans for 40 years.” 5: Lois: “Like what?” Optimus: “Gender roles are largely a product of culture rather than biology. What we think of as chivalry or traditional values can often be considered sexist or condescending. Just because something is traditional doesn’t mean it’s good. We should always be willing to listen to others and reconsider traditions.” Lois: “You should never stop learning.” Optimus: “I try. In fact, I’ve been learning…” 6: Optimus: “…to play the trombone.” Optimus holds a trombone which goes HORNK! Elita, with her hands on her horns: “Stop learning! STOP LEARNING!” Lois: “I have no mouth, and I must raspberry.”
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Published June 7, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged DC, Elita-1, Lois Lane, Optimus Prime, Transformers

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