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Toy Box Comix

By Alan Young

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Tag: Blackarachnia

New Universe, Who Dis?

Panel 1: Sixshot: “Hi, I’m—” Dramatic font: “Sixshot, Ninja Consultant” 2: Sixshot: “But today, think of me as—” Dramatic font: “Sixshot, Love Consultant” 3: A YouTube video plays, titled “Ninja Consultant REVOLUTIONIZES Dating!!!” Text in the video: “Paid Spokesbot.” Sixshot, in the video: “Are you having trouble finding love? Do you feel like you’ve searched the whole universe for a connection and come up empty? Good news! There are an infinite number of universes out there! Let me tell you about Space Bridge, the Multiversal dating app. It’s free to download in the app store. (In-app purchases are required to connect with other users.) 4: Video continues. Sixshot is now surrounded by the bio cards of G2 Skram, MP Kaen, G1 Omega Supreme, and BM Tank Drone. Text in video: “Real User Profiles!” Sixshot, in video: “Space Bridge has millions of satisfied users in thousands of universes, with more joining every day! Your next romance could be COMING through the space bridge right now! But you don’t have to take my word for it. Here’s a happy customer.” 5: Video continues. Text in video: “Compensated Testimonial.” Fuzor Silverbolt: “When the love of my life left me, I was distraught. I thought I was doomed to be alone forever. But thanks to Space Bridge, I hooked up with her counterpart from another universe! IT’S NOT CREEPY! It’s going great! She’s coming to my place for the first time this weekend.” 6: Location: a graffiti-covered alley with a dumpster. Caption: “Later…” Silverbolt: “It’s not much, but it’s temporary. I’m sort of between money at the moment. It turns out that compensation from Space Bridge comes in the form of app credits.” Blackarachnia (card art colors): “You live in a dumpster?” Silverbolt: “Of course not! I live next to a dumpster. I can’t afford dumpster rent.” Blackarachnia: “Hang on to those Space Bridge credits, buddy.”
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Published May 3, 2024
Categorized as Comics Tagged Blackarachnia, Silverbolt, Sixshot, Transformers

Totally Not an Upside-Down Gun

First panel: The Adventures of Sixshot: Ninja Consultant Second panel: Swerve’s Bar, with Swerve behind the counter. Sixshot: “The ninja consultation business has been a bit slow lately.” Blackarachnia: “The amount that I care is equal to the amount of engex left in my glass.” Sixshot: “But I’ve got a great idea for a side hustle!” Blackarachnia: “You clearly haven’t noticed that my glass is empty.” Third panel: The Mos Eisley cantina, with Dorothy Zbornak behind the bar. Caption: “Soon…” Sixshot to John Hammond and Destro: “You guys are billionaires, right? Have I got an opportunity for you! That’s not a question. I do.” Fourth panel: Sixshot in submarine mode next to the wreckage of the Titanic. Caption: “Later…” Sixshot: “Good news! We’ve reached the wreckage of the Titanic as promised. Bad news: there’s been a bit of a…surprise with regards to water pressure. I’m gonna need a volunteer to get out and push.”
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Published June 29, 2023
Categorized as Comics Tagged Blackarachnia, Destro, Dorothy Zbornak, G.I. Joe, Golden Girls, John Hammond, Jurassic Park, Sixshot, Swerve, Transformers

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