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Toy Box Comix

Toy Box Comix

By Alan Young

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Tag: Golden Girls

Totally Not an Upside-Down Gun

First panel: The Adventures of Sixshot: Ninja Consultant Second panel: Swerve’s Bar, with Swerve behind the counter. Sixshot: “The ninja consultation business has been a bit slow lately.” Blackarachnia: “The amount that I care is equal to the amount of engex left in my glass.” Sixshot: “But I’ve got a great idea for a side hustle!” Blackarachnia: “You clearly haven’t noticed that my glass is empty.” Third panel: The Mos Eisley cantina, with Dorothy Zbornak behind the bar. Caption: “Soon…” Sixshot to John Hammond and Destro: “You guys are billionaires, right? Have I got an opportunity for you! That’s not a question. I do.” Fourth panel: Sixshot in submarine mode next to the wreckage of the Titanic. Caption: “Later…” Sixshot: “Good news! We’ve reached the wreckage of the Titanic as promised. Bad news: there’s been a bit of a…surprise with regards to water pressure. I’m gonna need a volunteer to get out and push.”
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Published June 29, 2023
Categorized as Comics Tagged Blackarachnia, Destro, Dorothy Zbornak, G.I. Joe, Golden Girls, John Hammond, Jurassic Park, Sixshot, Swerve, Transformers

Let’s See if I Add Any Jerks to My Block List Today

First panel: Dorothy Zbornak: “Hi, Victor. It’s been a while. What’s—” Dr. Doom: “Doom is—“ Second panel: Dr. Doom, dramatically: “Angry that Transformers have gone woke!” Third panel: Dorothy: “Using the word woke in a derogatory sense is a good way to get on my bad side, Victor. So what are you planning to do about it?” Doom, holding an iPad: “I have created my own Transformers film and put it on YouTube. Observe, Dorothy Zbornak.” Fourth panel: Movie Megatron: “I, the evil woke Decepticon Megatron, have come to earth –with books! Books designed to teach Earth children all sorts of evil woke ideas! Books that will cause them to question their devotion to their governments by teaching them about their countries’ historical evils! Books that will cause them to question their sexual orientation and gender identity by teaching them that their feelings are normal and acceptable! My woke ideas will cause the Earth to fall!” Fifth panel: Movie Optimus Prime: “I, the heroic anti-woke Autobot Optimus Prime, have come to stop the evil Megatron! His evil ideas must be destroyed! Children must never learn about historical evils, lest they lose faith in their governments! We must not normalize deviant ideas about sexual orientation and gender! Children must feel shame about their biology! Freedom is the right of all sentient beings! --within conservative government-defined boundaries. Also, there should be guns everywhere.” Sixth panel: Dorothy: “People love Transformers films because of all the political arguments.” Doom, dramatically: “I AM APOLITICAL!”
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Published May 25, 2023
Categorized as Comics Tagged Dorothy Zbornak, Dr. Doom, Golden Girls, Marvel, Megatron, Optimus Prime, Transformers

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